| pune love the past days at the osho ashram been very intensive been experiencing things i never did before life is full of surprises my girlfriend, who was resistant in coming to the ashram is rediscovering herself and as a result decided to be a free woman very painful seeing her around with her italian lover especially since until the day of separation we got so close to each other like we've never been before we took together a six-day workshop "getting in touch with the feelings – tantric pulsation" this workshop wasn't intended for couples and created a roller coaster of emotions moving several times a day from "you are the love of my life" to "we can't be together" and back to the strong love have a package of feelings towards her anger, jealousy, disgust, and love heart broken last night finally slept after not being able to for over 60 hours my mind is constantly haunting me with thoughts such as what if i listened to her and ran away with her from the ashram the moment we noticed the risk to our relationship deep in my heart there are no regrets all the ashram does is speed up and bring up to the surface the real issues that we just tend to avoid saw the signs even back home but always preferred to bury them she has her issues i have mine she deals with her issues in a way which could easily be criticized i've been ignoring the issues hoping for them to go away both she and i feel and told each other that with all the difficulties we had we were for each other the biggest love of our lives been her guide made her less afraid of life introduced her to many new things including the present india experience even though her actions seem to be very unthankful and even mean she keeps thanking me for my guidance my role in her life has come to an end time for her to move on she took her own apartment doing her own things playing independent here in india this madness and experience may be the real life that the majority of the world will never let themselves face if i knew that's the way things will turn out to be would probably prefer not to come here but somewhere inside was aware of the possibility what took me by surprise is the magnitude and the way things took place right in front of my eyes been thinking not to share all of this not to make you worried that i'm in some crazy place and not to make you feel sad about the way i feel yet in order to stay in authentic communications i need to be open with you it helps me too glad to be here in india with good friends who give me great support underneath the pain there's lots of happiness © 2000. All Rights Reserved. Zemach Zohar Wilson, Pune India, July 2000 |
